Central London therapy for relationship issues
Supporting you to form healthy, happy relationships
Whether you’re in a relationship or currently single, and whether you are seeking counselling alone or with your partner, I can help you to have the loving relationship that you want.
What is therapy for relationship issues?
Put simply, it is therapy, counselling or psychotherapy where the main focus is relationships, usually intimate ones. It can be for couples who are having issues they want to resolve in their current relationship, but it can also be for individuals.
Some individuals want to discuss their current relationship, their relationship history or a pattern they’ve noticed in their relationships. Others may want support because they find it hard to form relationships or to stay in relationships once they’re in them.
Although the focus of relationship counselling is usually intimate relationships, it can also be about friendships, working relationships, family dynamics or any other type of relationship that you find difficult. I work with diverse relationships, including monogamous, openly non-monogamous, secretly non-monogamous, straight, queer, aromantic and kinky.
It’s important to say, too, that most people come to counselling with more than one issue they want to address. Your sessions needn’t only be about relationships - we can discuss whatever you want to discuss.
Can therapy fix my relationship?
Only you and your partner can fix your relationship, but therapy can give you the insight and tools to do so.
It can be hard to have perspective when you’re in a strained relationship. A psychotherapist or counsellor can take an objective view and help you to understand why you react to each other in the ways you do, and what changes you can make.
If you are considering coming to therapy with your partner, you may want to read my page on couples therapy.
What are the signs a relationship can’t be fixed?
If you both want to make it work and are willing to put the effort in, there really aren’t many deal-breakers.
If there has been domestic abuse in your relationship, the partner who has been abusive will need to take responsibility and work on their behaviour before we can make other improvements to the relationship. I am trained to work safely with domestic abuse - you can read about my approach in Working with domestic abuse.
Infidelity can be very hard to get past. Not impossible, but expect a long and challenging road ahead.
Beyond that, if communication is good between you, any issue can be worked on. Of course, that’s a big if - lots of couples don’t communicate well. For that reason, improving communication is a key part of therapy for relationship issues.
Another significant hurdle in fixing relationships is that most people think it’s their partner that needs to change! It’s never just down to one person, so if you want things to improve, you need to be open to changing yourself.
Why can’t I find a relationship?
This isn’t a question I can answer without getting to know more about you, I’m afraid. I would be happy to find out more and give you my professional opinion - just book an initial consultation and we can take it from there.
Common reasons why people find it hard to form relationships include:
social anxiety or shyness preventing them from getting to know people
embarrassment that they haven’t already had a relationship, causing vulnerability and stress at the thought of getting closer to someone
not knowing how to flirt
fear of rejection inhibiting their willingness to take risks
fear of commitment
not knowing how to talk appropriately to a potential partner or how to behave in a relationship
anxiety related to sexual problems
low self confidence
being overly picky.
Therapy for relationship issues can help with all of the above.
Why do relationships never work out for me?
Some people are able to attract partners but find that their relationships never last. If you’re in that camp and wondering why, I would be happy to help you figure it out. There are lots of possible reasons, and in relationship counselling we could unpick which are relevant for you and what you can do about them - book an initial consultation if you’d like that.
The possible reasons include:
an insecure attachment style, such as anxious-avoidant (see below)
not knowing how to handle conflicts, which may lead to conflict avoidance or explosive arguments
having few models of positive intimate relationships when you were growing up, so you didn’t learn the behavioural norms for a healthy, happy relationship
choosing partners that don’t meet your real needs, perhaps because you are unconsciously repeating previous relationships
not knowing what you really want in relationships
difficulty accepting difference in your partners - different opinions, different tastes, etc - and seeing it as incompatibility
unrealistic expectations about how much effort or compromise is needed to make relationships work.
These are all things that we can work through together.
What are attachment styles?
Attachment theory was developed by a psychiatrist and psychoanalyst called John Bowlby then developed by psychologist Mary Ainsworth.
The key premise is that the way our parents or main caregivers relate to us as infants (how responsive and sensitive they are to us) set a sort of template for how we see relationships, which in turn affects how we behave in future relationships.
The templates are known as attachment styles and the main ones are:
Secure - The caregiver is responsive and sensitive, which creates a sense of security in the child. In adult relationships someone with a secure attachment style may be able to communicate clearly, handle disagreements, offer emotional support and maintain a good balance of intimacy and independence.
Anxious-ambivalent - The caregiver is unpredictable in their responsiveness, which the child may respond to with clinginess, anger or helpless passivity. In adult relationships someone with an anxious-ambivalent attachment style may have an intense fear of rejection and require a lot of validation; they may be emotionally volatile and poor at respecting boundaries.
Anxious-avoidant - The caregiver is rejecting, unresponsive and insensitive, and the child learns to keep their distress hidden so they may seem unemotional. In adult relationships, someone with an anxious-avoidant attachment style may crave intimacy but push it away through fear.
In relationship counselling, we can think together about your attachment style and where it comes from. Through understanding it better, you reduce its power and can make conscious decisions to respond differently in relationships.
Can I have therapy for relationship issues if I’ve never had a relationship?
Yes, absolutely. You don’t need to have had an intimate relationship to have thoughts, feelings, desires and worries about them. There’s plenty for us to work with.
What is the best therapy for relationship issues?
The style of therapy (cognitive behavioural, person-centred, psychodynamic, etc) doesn’t make much difference to how effective it is (Hubble and Miller, 2022). What matters more is how comfortable you feel with the therapist. If you’re worried about the style, a good option is to choose an integrative therapist as they are trained in multiple styles and will draw on whichever styles are most useful for each client.
What will I get from therapy for relationship issues?
That depends partly on what your relationship issues are, but common benefits include:
clarity around what is important for you in relationships
improved communication skills
greater ability in handling disagreements
reduced fear of intimacy
increased confidence in yourself as a romantic partner
insight into your relationship patterns and attachment style
greater courage to form and stay in relationships.
As a psychosexual therapist, I can also integrate strategies for tackling any problems on the sexual side of your relationship.
How much is therapy for relationship issues?
For individuals, I charge £50 for an initial consultation in person (£45 online). For couples, initial consultations are £80 (£75 online).
My fee structure for ongoing sessions is set out in How I work.
What happens in therapy for relationship issues?
We have weekly sessions, each lasting 50 minutes, in which we talk about your relationship issues. Our discussions aren’t limited to relationship issues - most people bring more than one problem to therapy. One week you might want to talk about intimacy issues, the next you might be feeling anxious about work, the next you might want to discuss a date you went on or an argument you had with your partner, etc. Whatever you want to talk about is what we should talk about.
With the objectivity of an outsider and my training in psychotherapy and couples therapy, I offer my perspectives on what might be getting in the way of you forming the relationships you want. Together we explore changes you might want to make to help you find those relationships and develop them.
How should I choose a therapist for relationship issues?
I recommend choosing someone who is qualified in couples therapy, whether you are coming as a couple or on your own, since training as a couples therapist requires a deeper understanding of intimate relationships. As mentioned above, an integrative therapist is a good option if you’re concerned about the style of therapy. And if sexual concerns are part of your relationship issues, you might want to choose someone who is also qualified in psychosexual therapy.
Remember though that the most important thing is how you feel when you’re in a session with the therapist. If you feel comfortable opening up to them, that’s a great sign. I know it’s really hard to get a feel for that side of things by looking at online profiles and websites. That’s why I offer a free 20-minute phone call and why I only charge half price for initial consultations - I don’t want you to have to pay a lot to find out for whether I’m the right therapist for you.
Where do you offer therapy for relationship issues?
I provide therapy for relationship issues at my two lovely therapy rooms in Central London:
My Kings Cross room is two minutes’ walk from the station and also within easy walking distance of St Pancras, Euston and Russell Square. It is convenient for Clerkenwell, Bloomsbury, Pentonville, Islington, Barnsbury, Camden and Angel.
My Oxford Circus room is in a quiet street five minutes’ walk from Oxford Circus itself and also within easy walking distance of Goodge Street, Warren Street and Holborn. It is convenient for Fitzrovia, Soho, Regent Street, Mayfair, Bloomsbury, Harley Street and Marylebone.
I am also happy to offer therapy for relationship issues online.
Why choose me?
As an integrative psychotherapist, couples counsellor and psychosexual therapist, I have a wealth of experience in helping people with relationship issues. I’m insightful, supportive and clients often comment how easy I am to talk to.
My therapy practices are conveniently located near Oxford Circus and Kings Cross, and I also offer online therapy. I offer free introductory chats and half price initial consultations so that you don’t have to spend a lot to find out whether I’m a good fit for you.
Most clients who come for an initial consultation with me choose to continue with me, but if I’m not the right fit for you I will be happy to refer you to a colleague. I manage a large team of therapists so if I’m not the perfect fit for you there’s a good chance I know someone who is!
Next steps
If that sounds good to you, it’s easy to book an initial consultation or a free introductory phone call here…
If you want to find out more first, feel free to contact me and I’ll get back to you promptly.