Central London therapy for family issues
Helping you navigate and heal from difficult family dynamics
Our families impact us so much. When there’s a difficult character or relationship, it can be incredibly painful and stressful. I can help you handle current difficulties and heal from past events.
What is therapy for family issues?
Therapy for family issues is individual psychotherapy or couples therapy to work through the pain and stress of having (or having had) difficult characters or relationships in your family. The therapy may focus exclusively on family problems, or your family may be one of many issues addressed. It’s distinct from family therapy, which involves everyone involved in the difficult dynamic coming to therapy together.
What family issues do people talk about in therapy?
Anything that affects you can be brought to therapy, but the sorts of things that you might talk about include:
a parent not being very good at parenting, for example not being there for you when you need support, criticising you or being unaffectionate
role reversal, being a carer from a young age or having to parent your parent(s)
abuse, violence or neglect within the family
tensions and inequity within blended families
siblings who are competitive or don’t pull their weight
domineering or judgemental in-laws
overly dependent or intrusive family members
family members with destructive behaviours such as addictions or excessive spending
feeling suffocated by your family
wanting more connection with your family.
These issues may be current, past or both - it’s all worth bringing to therapy.
What are the signs of a dysfunctional family?
It’s not as black and white as saying “this family is functional” or “this family is dysfunctional”, but dysfunctional behaviours within families include:
any form of abuse - physical, emotional, sexual, verbal, financial or neglect
enmeshment, where one family member is too involved in another member’s life, to the point that boundaries are breached and decisions can’t be made independently
poor communication where there isn’t space to hear and respect, each family member’s views
fixed roles, such as the victim, the golden child and the mediator
avoidance of conflict, causing a build-up of resentment
a narcissistic dynamic, where one person’s needs and wants are prioritised over other family members’
a spiralling conflict style where disagreements quickly escalate into attacking each other
isolation and excessive independence, where family members are expected to look after themselves without emotional support from the others
a competitive environment, for example siblings being pitted against each other to gain a parent’s approval
invasion of privacy or, conversely, a level of secrecy that exceeds normal expectations of privacy
family members being treated in age-inappropriate ways - either expected to grow up too quickly as children or infantilised as adults.
What are the reasons for family dysfunction?
Usually the person or people who initiate the dysfunctional dynamic are unconsciously driven to act in that way. At some level they believe it will give them what they want. They may be unaware that what they’re doing is damaging, or that there’s a better way to do things. There will usually be an insecurity underlying their behaviour. They may well have experienced difficult family dynamics themselves and not learnt how to behave in a well functioning family.
It’s easy to blame a difficult family member and to see them as a monster. Conversely, it’s easy to say they have had their own bad experiences and are doing their best. It’s harder to hold both sides simultaneously, having compassion for both them and you: “They have their reasons and I can feel compassion for them, but it’s not okay that their behaviour has impacted me in the way it has, and I feel angry about that.”
Who can I talk to about family issues?
One of the hardest parts of dealing with family issues is that the people you might normally turn to for support are themselves involved in the difficult dynamic. There’s something liberating about speaking to a therapist who is totally separate from your family and will:
hear you out without interruption or judgement
offer insight into what is triggering and maintaining the difficult dynamics
empathise with your experience
help you make sense of your thoughts and feelings
offer alternative perspectives if appropriate.
What can you do when you have family issues?
With current dynamics, you have the opportunity to change them. There is usually a choice to be made between:
tolerating the dynamic with compassion for yourself and acceptance that it’s the best course of action in the circumstances
trying to change the dynamic, for example through discussion with the other person/people, or altering your behaviour so you aren’t drawn into their drama
exiting the dynamic, for example by having less to do with the other person/people or cutting them out of your life completely.
In therapy, we can explore these options and together figure out which is best for you and how to go about it.
If the family issues are in the past, then our focus is on the ways in which that experience lives on in you, including:
how you feel about the other person/people
what feels unresolved for you
how the dysfunctional dynamics affect you today, for example any impact on how you are in relationships with others
making sense of what happened so that you’re not carrying blame for things you weren’t responsible for.
What is the best therapy for family issues?
Different types of therapy are helpful, depending on client preferences and the issue we’re dealing with. A couple of approaches are particularly relevant to working with family issues:
Psychodynamic therapy focuses on how we are in relationship to other people and the dynamics that are created between us and others. It’s a helpful lens through which to understand how past family issues impact a person’s current relationship style.
Systemic therapy focuses on how individuals within a family (the system) are influenced by, and adapt according to, each others’ behaviour. It’s a really useful way to think about ongoing family dynamics and how to change them.
As an integrative therapist, I am trained in various therapeutic approaches (including psychodynamic and systemic) and adapt my style to best meet the needs of each individual client.
Can therapy help with family trauma?
Yes, absolutely. Talking through what has happened in your family with an experienced therapist is an invaluable part of recovering from trauma. Our families have such a strong influence on our thoughts and feelings; you can’t go through something traumatic in your family without it affecting how you see yourself, how you relate to others or how you feel about life.
It can be really hard to make sense of family trauma. It’s particularly confusing if you were hurt by family members who are supposed to love you and care for you. Talking about the trauma with a therapist helps you to unpick what was healthy from what was dysfunctional and what was your responsibility from what wasn’t.
Gradually through therapy you will:
make sense of what happened to you and why
recognise how it has impacted you
learn how to live authentically as you rather than being driven by your past
understand complex family relationships that may be both loving and damaging
if appropriate, adapt your relationships with family members to protect yourself from further trauma.
How can you heal from a dysfunctional family?
It takes time, but it’s perfectly possible to heal from a dysfunctional family. If there were problems in your family since you were very small, it will have affected you at a fundamental level. That can’t be changed quickly, but human beings are remarkably adaptable. We can come to see that the way our family viewed things or did things is just one possibility, and we can learn to relate to others in different ways. More importantly, we can learn to see ourselves through new eyes.
Growing up in a dysfunctional family, we absorb all sorts of unhelpful things including:
disrespectful ways of communicating
negative views about oneself
destructive relationship patterns
heightened defensiveness
fear of affection and intimacy.
Through therapy, you can gradually peel away these unhelpful layers, enabling you to see yourself, others and the world through fresh eyes. It’s a wonderful process to observe. My clients are often surprised by just how big an impact their family has had on their perceptions. Once they understand this, rather than their behaviour being unconsciously dictated by their family experiences, they are able to live their lives in the way they choose and to experience much more joy and fulfilment.
Do you offer therapy for family issues near me?
I offer therapy for family issues at two lovely therapy rooms in Central London:
My Kings Cross room is two minutes’ walk from the station and also within easy walking distance of St Pancras, Euston and Russell Square. It is convenient for Clerkenwell, Bloomsbury, Pentonville, Islington, Barnsbury, Camden and Angel.
My Oxford Circus room is in a quiet street five minutes’ walk from Oxford Circus itself and also within easy walking distance of Goodge Street, Warren Street and Holborn. It is convenient for Fitzrovia, Soho, Regent Street, Mayfair, Bloomsbury, Harley Street and Marylebone.
Do you offer online therapy for family issues?
Yes, I’m happy to offer therapy for family issues online. Some clients have all their sessions online; some have a mix of online and face-to-face sessions. Whatever works well for you is good with me.
Why choose me?
I’ve been successfully helping clients with their family issues for over 15 years. I focus on understanding and supporting you, helping you to make sense of your experiences and to heal so that you can live your life more freely and happily.
My therapy practices are conveniently located near Oxford Circus and Kings Cross, and I also offer online therapy. I offer free introductory chats and half price initial consultations so that you don’t have to spend a lot to get a feel for whether I’m a good fit for you.
Most clients who come for an initial consultation with me choose to continue with me, but if I’m not the right fit for you I will be happy to refer you to a colleague. I manage a large team of therapists so if I’m not the perfect fit for you there’s a good chance I know someone who is!
Next steps
If that sounds good to you, it’s easy to book an initial consultation or a free introductory phone call here…
If you want to find out more first, feel free to contact me and I’ll get back to you promptly.