Therapy for sexual problems in central London
Helping you overcome sexual hurdles and enjoy intimacy
From erectile dysfunction to vaginismus, premature ejaculation to loss of desire, sexual problems are common and treatable. Let me help you find your way to a happier sex life.
What are the causes of sex problems?
There are many, many possible causes of sexual problems, including:
sexual trauma
medical issues
inhibitive religious or family views around sex
low body confidence
hormonal changes in menopause
ageing.
Typically someone has a bad sexual experience then they become anxious that things aren’t going to go well the next time they have sex. That anxiety gets in the way of their sexual arousal, so things don’t go well and they get caught in a self-perpetuating loop of anxiety, things not going well sexually and often avoiding sex altogether.
Do I need sex therapy?
That depends on the nature of your problem. If there’s a medical cause, you may need to see your GP to address that. If the problem is psychological, then sex therapy (also known as psychosexual therapy) is what you need. If you’re unsure, book an initial consultation and I can advise you.
How can I overcome sexual problems?
The problem with sexual issues is that they rarely resolve themselves. If you keep trying to have sex when you’re feeling anxious about it, that self-perpetuating loop of anxiety and sex going badly is likely to persist and get worse.
What you need is a reset.
Psychosexual therapy is a carefully designed programme of exercises and talking therapy which addresses the roots of your sexual issues and gradually rebuilds your sexuality without the anxiety. It is tailored to each individual client, with exercises to address their particular problems.
How does a sexologist help?
A sexologist or psychosexual therapist is trained to understand the causes of sexual problems and how they interrelate. We take a detailed history to identify all the factors contributing to your sexual problem. Then we design a programme of exercises to get you back on track. If you have more than one sexual problem, we know the best order in which to address them.
We also help you to talk about sex, to feel more positive about your body, to relax, to get in touch with your senses, to ask for what you need, and lots more.
Can sexual dysfunction be fixed?
Unless there’s some underlying medical cause, then yes, absolutely.
Who is sex therapy for?
Sex therapy is for anyone who is having a sexual problem with a psychological component. It can be done individually or as a couple, though if you are in a relationship it’s usually more effective to do it as a couple. I work with all types of gender and relationship diversity including cis, trans, non-binary, gay, straight, bi, monogamous and non-monogamous.
Does sex therapy help couples?
Yes, sex therapy can be hugely helpful for couples. Even if there’s no sexual dysfunction and couples just want to improve their sexual intimacy, it’s really beneficial. As a couples therapist, I can integrate elements of psychosexual therapy into my work with couples.
What kind of problems do sexologists treat?
Some of the issues we work with in psychosexual therapy are what are, rather medically, called sexual dysfunctions:
erectile dysfunction (ED)
premature ejaculation (PE)
delayed ejaculation or retarded ejaculation
vaginismus (involuntary contracting of the vaginal muscles which prohibits penetration)
dyspareunia (painful sex)
low desire
inorgasmia (inability to orgasm).
We also work with general sexual anxiety and wider sexual issues, such as:
sex and disability
sex and ageing
porn addiction
kink and BDSM
chemsex issues.
Do sexologists sleep with patients?
Contrary to what you might have seen on Virgin Island, most sex therapists don’t sleep with their clients. Sexual surrogate partner therapy is a specific type of therapy that can be particularly useful for people who haven’t had a sexual partner and want to build their confidence, but psychosexual therapists take a less hands on approach!
I leave the touching to you and your partner (if you have one). In our sex therapy sessions, we just talk. I explain the physical exercises to you then you do them at home in between sessions and we talk about how they went at our next session.
Is sex therapy effective?
Yes, it’s very effective. I’ve linked to some research on the efficacy of it on my psychosexual therapy page. Clients usually find that it helps in ways they weren’t expecting too. Not only does the sexual problem get resolved, they may also feel benefits in their communication, affection and other areas.
What does sex therapy entail?
It starts with an initial consultation. That’s a single session in which you tell me what’s troubling you and ask me any questions you have. It’s your opportunity to get a feel for how comfortable you feel with me and whether you want to continue.
If you do continue, next I take a more detailed history to fully understand all the factors that are contributing to your sexual issues. If you come as a couple, these sessions will be individual.
I then formulate a programme of exercises, specific to your needs. I explain my thinking to you, then we get going!
The exercises I give you to do at home may include:
joint physical exercises (if you have a partner), for example sensual touch
individual physical exercises, targeting your sexual problem
joint non-physical exercises (if you have a partner), for example focusing on communication around sex
individual non-physical exercises, for example getting in touch with your sexual fantasies.
Some of the exercises (such as sensual touch and improving sexual communication) are helpful for everyone. Other exercises vary depending on the sexual problem and below I’ve given examples of these for some of the most common sexual problems.
What is sex therapy for erectile dysfunction?
For erectile dysfunction, I give you physical exercises that help you to focus on the sensations in your genitals and learn what helps you to get an erection. You practise losing then regaining an erection. (If you’re confident you can regain it, you’ll be less anxious about losing it.) Usually men are more confident in their erections when they’re on their own, so you do the exercises individually to build up self-awareness and confidence before we translate what you’ve learnt into a joint exercise with your partner (if you have one). Typically, joint exercises start with manual stimulation before gradually progressing to penetrative sex as your confidence grows. We also look at how your partner responds if you do lose your erection, as this can have a major impact on your anxiety.
What is sex therapy for premature ejaculation?
With premature ejaculation, the exercises I give focus on noticing the sensations in your genitals and recognising the point of inevitability. This is the point after which it isn’t physically possible to stop yourself from ejaculating. If you can recognise this point and when you’re getting close to it, you can moderate what you’re doing (the speed at which you’re thrusting, etc) to avoid reaching the point of inevitability before you want to. Again, you do individual exercises to build your confidence before I ask your partner to get involved (if you have one). And we work on how best your partner can respond if you do come quickly, so as not to exacerbate the problem by increasing your anxiety.
What is sex therapy for vaginismus?
With vaginismus, the exercises are designed to help you gain control of your vaginal muscles and learn to relax them. There may be sexual trauma involved, so we go carefully and also address any fears around sex. The individual exercises include using dilators to gradually become comfortable with penetration, as well as pelvic floor exercises to improve your control over your muscles. If you have a partner, I will be encouraging them to take any pressure off you and create space in which you can relax and your sexual desire can grow. Joint exercises involving penetration are very gradual and always at a level you can manage.
What is sex therapy for low desire?
Sometimes “low desire” really means “a perfectly fine level of desire that’s just lower than my partner’s.” In those cases, our focus will be on how the two of you navigate your difference in desire, what might help you to want sex with your partner more, and what might help your partner to handle having sex less than they want.
In other cases, sexual desire may be low for a reason, such as hormonal changes, past sexual trauma, a medical issue or relationship problems. A key focus is helping you (and your partner if you have one) understand these causes and see your low desire as a natural reaction to them, not a sign that you’re broken in some way. The treatment programme includes understanding what needs to be in place for you to feel sexual desire; addressing the underlying causes of your low desire; and teaching you how to grow your desire, for example through sexual fantasy.
You can read more in my blog post Low sexual desire.
Should I have sex therapy alone or with my partner?
If you have a partner, the answer is usually that it’s best to have the therapy with them. Although you might see the sexual problem as your issue, there are usually some relationship factors that contribute - how your partner responds to the problem, your fears about the future of the relationship if you can’t sort the problem out, how the two of you communicate around sex, etc.
Even if your partner plays no part in contributing to the problem, they can play a really important part in resolving it. The joint exercises are a key part of sex therapy and it’s easier to resolve sexual problems if your partner is involved and supportive.
Sex therapy or couples therapy?
Often when partners have sexual problems, they also have relationship problems, and the two can exacerbate each other. So it can be difficult to decide whether to have sex therapy or couples therapy - you probably need both!
As I have separate qualifications in couples therapy and psychosexual therapy, I can offer you both. There’s no need to choose between the two - we can incorporate both into our sessions.
How much does sex therapy cost?
For individuals, I charge £50 for an initial consultation (£45 if it’s online). We will agree your fee for ongoing sessions at the initial consultation; I use a sliding scale from £100 to £140 (£90 to £130 for online), based on your ability to pay.
For couples, I charge £90 for the the initial consultation (£80 online) then £180 for ongoing sessions (£160 if they’re all online).
Where do you offer London sex therapy?
I provide psychosexual therapy at two lovely therapy rooms in Central London:
My Kings Cross room is two minutes’ walk from the station and also within easy walking distance of St Pancras, Euston and Russell Square. It is convenient for Clerkenwell, Bloomsbury, Pentonville, Islington, Barnsbury, Camden and Angel.
My Oxford Circus room is in a quiet street five minutes’ walk from Oxford Circus itself and also within easy walking distance of Goodge Street, Warren Street and Holborn. It is convenient for Fitzrovia, Soho, Regent Street, Mayfair, Bloomsbury, Harley Street and Marylebone.
I am also happy to offer sex therapy online.
Why choose me?
I’ve been successfully helping clients with their relationship and sex problems for over 15 years. Being trained in psychotherapy, couples therapy and psychosexual therapy means I can really get to the root of sexual problems; my approach isn’t just a sticking plaster.
My therapy practices are conveniently located near Oxford Circus and Kings Cross, and I also offer online therapy. I offer free introductory chats and half price initial consultations so that you don’t have to spend a lot to get a feel for whether I’m a good fit for you.
Most clients who come for an initial consultation with me choose to continue with me, but if I’m not the right fit for you I will be happy to refer you to a colleague. I manage a large team of therapists so if I’m not the perfect fit for you there’s a good chance I know someone who is!
Next steps
If that sounds good to you, it’s easy to book an initial consultation or a free introductory phone call here…
If you want to find out more first, feel free to contact me and I’ll get back to you promptly.