First time in therapy?
Are you considering starting counselling or therapy for the first time? Perhaps you have been watching Change Your Mind, Change Your Life or Couples Therapy and wondering how true to life they are. Here’s what therapy is really like.
Friendly. Most therapists these days don’t analyse you in silence, making notes while you lie on a couch. (If that’s what you’re after, try the British Psychoanalytic Association.) We sit across from each other on comfortable chairs or sofas, and the conversation is two-way. If you don’t know what to say, I help you. I’m friendly, I empathise and I don’t push you to talk about anything you don’t want to.
Unmedical. Though we are knowledgeable about mental health conditions, psychotherapists are not qualified to diagnose, nor to prescribe medication. For that you will need to see a psychiatrist or your GP. Most issues that clients bring to counselling aren’t diseases that need to be medicated; they are natural reactions to the difficult experiences clients have been through. Exploring them in therapy and better understanding where they come from helps them to shift.
Boundaried. Though you might not think it if you’ve watched programmes like Shrinking, psychotherapists maintain clear boundaries. We don’t interfere in your life outside the therapy room or tell you what to do. By maintaining what we can the ‘therapeutic frame’, we create a safe space that you can rely on. The therapeutic frame includes things like your therapist always starting your session on time and keeping the same slot for you each week. Particularly if your own life tends to be chaotic, it can be really transformative to experience the strong boundaries of therapy.
Manageable. What I mean here is that clients often expect counselling to be harder than it is. They think they won’t know what to say or that they will find their emotions overwhelming, or even that the therapist won’t be able to cope with them. In fact, they usually leave our first session feeling relieved. I’ve lost count of how many clients have ended that session saying “That was easier than I thought it was going to be.”
Compassionate. Shame can keep people from accessing counselling. They fear the therapist will disapprove of their lifestyle, their desires, their thoughts or their feelings. I’ve yet to meet a client whose choices didn’t make sense given what they’d been through. As therapists, we understand that you are the way you are because of what you have experienced. By helping our clients to understand themselves in that way, we enable them to have more compassion for themselves and let go of their shame.
Transformative. Therapy isn’t a quick fix, but it’s life-changing. When you get in touch with unconscious drives and understand yourself better, that knowledge is never lost. So you don’t only benefit while you’re in therapy; you continue to feel the benefits throughout your life.
Wide-ranging. People often start therapy thinking they just want to address one or two aspects of their life. Then we start talking and they see how the roots of those issues also have their impact on other areas. All aspects of your life are inter-related and it’s totally normal for counselling sessions to encompass all sorts of different topics. So don’t worry if you don’t have a neat list of discrete problems to work through. And of course if there are areas of your life you’d rather not talk about, that’s absolutely fine too.
Unpressured. How long you come to counselling for is up to you - at least if your therapist works in an open-ended way, as I do. You are free to end whenever you choose, but until that point, I will be there to listen each week. So there’s no pressure to get your story told fast and all your issues fixed before your sessions run out. I give you the space to take things at your own pace, opening up only when you feel ready.
Unique. This one is hard to put into words, but there’s something about the therapeutic relationship that is unique. Where else does someone give you their full attention and really try to understand you, without their own agenda or bias? Being seen and heard in that way feels special. And if I haven’t managed to convey it in words, I really encourage you to give therapy a go so that you can experience it in person.
If you have any questions about starting therapy, please feel free to contact me.
Or if you are ready to take your next step, book here.